1 year ago, our life changed

1 year ago, our life changed. 1 year ago, I sat in a waiting room, waiting on news that my husband colonoscopy was over. This was our last step to confirm the IBS diagnosis he had been given for the last 2 years of his pain. 1 year ago, I sat alone, the last person in the waiting room...

The nurse came back to get me and bring me back. I cracked a joke and she didn't laugh. Red Flag #1. She explained he was still kinda out, so wouldn't really understand much while he comes out of anesthesia. We arrived at the room and I went over to say hi. He was clearly still out of it. As the Doctor approached me, the nurse appeared behind me with a chair for me to sit in and a box of tissues. Red Flag #2.

The doctor explain to me that they had found a growth, and weren't able to get even a pediatric scope last it. He took some to biopsy but he said "It doesn't look good". Shock. I sat there in shock. Tears rolling down my face. Unsure how to tell Jaime when he woke up. I texted my parents briefly who were watching my kids for me, not even sure what to say. I just told them they found a growth and said it wasn't good. Jaime started to come around. He saw me crying and asked me what was wrong. I just smiled. The doctor reexplained to him everything he had said to me. Jaime replied "So its Cancer?" The doctor solemnly said "Well I cant say for sure without the biopsy, but in my experience, yes, its most certainly Cancer" Jaime said "I knew it." Doctor explained the process from here. He would come tomorrow for a CT scan, more blood work and we'd go from there.  He would need surgery to remove it ASAP (which never happened as he was too advanced) and they put him off work for a month.

None of the news that came from there was good. A week after the CT scan we had a surgeon explaining to us his cancer had spread to his liver and possibly his lungs. There wasn't anything she could do for us and we'd have to wait for a call from Oncology.

Here we are a year later. I sit here without him. Mourning him for 7 months. Really, mourning him for a year now. I still cant believe this is where we are. October 15th will forever be the awful day changed the course of our lives forever.